I haven’t been posting as consistently as I had planned. Too worried that what I’m posting sounds stupid or people who read it thinking, “Wow, this girl is all over the place”. And in all honesty I am.

From career jumping, looking for work but scared of working in retail. Receiving my three courses from Workforce but making sure I am learning at a decent pace, otherwise I can lose access to them. My car being in the shop for over a month for a problem caused by the Auto shop themselves. And my off and on hip pain that I’m positive is related to my hip flexors.

And on top of that trying to go back to college next year for my bachelors, while trying to stop myself from feeling like a failure since o might be going to school for another 4 years, hoping not to give up on myself without walking out with at least an associates.

I really don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m going to do. I need a job, I need to figure out how to study without falling asleep after on session, and building interpersonal skills to network and show projects to help me flourish in my current career path.

None of this is going to get easier for me, especially if I keep giving up when it gets hard or stressful. And no one is going to wait for me. It hurts sometimes to see people taking big leaps, making life changing choices, and just changing. I feel like I’m stagnant, unmoving, unchanging. I don’t want to stay as I am forever or for the next 3-10 years. I want to change like them. It’s the fear of falling behind and FOMO in me.

No promises I’ll be posting consistently and I don’t expect anyone to really care. I’m going to keep trying and failing until I get something right.